Tip #3: Hygiene

When starting a new job, it is important to make a strong first impression. To this end, I suggest that you neglect to put on deodorant for one of your first days at work. This way, both you and your new co-workers can spend some quality time together trying to decide who wafts of rotting trash. Is it you, or the scabby, peeling mendicant sitting in the Mystery department? Only you know for sure! (*wink*)

It should also allow you to become overly self conscious about raising your arms around other people. This bizarre phobia will give you the look of a down syndrome t-rex as you flail only the bottom halves of your arms in hilarious attempts at looking casual.

All together, your scent and its fallout should soundly guarantee that you alienate your fellow employees and possibly garner a few choice looks of unfettered disgust. Stay nervous!